


Lie

by Kirigami



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Internal Conflict, M/M, Unrequited Love, basically dave loves john and john doesnt but he wants to make dave happy, its just dumb i wrote it at 2 in the morning ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 01:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/959959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirigami/pseuds/Kirigami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert, and you've just made a mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lie

Your name is John Egbert, and you've just made a mistake.

You should have been honest with your best friend, because wasn't that what friends are supposed to do for each other? But the moment was too perfect to tell the truth, and so you lied, and you were still debating whether or not it was worth it to see his face light up and watch him grin brighter than he ever had in front of you before. But there was a weight in the pit of your stomach, and guilt dragged you down as you held his clammy hands in your own. Dave deserved the best. He was amazing, and he was the best friend anyone could have, and he deserved the absolute best, but you had never felt anything for him romantically. Yet you had told him that you loved him.

You don't.

You wanted to believe that you did as his chapped lips pressed to yours and his fingers curled against the skin of your arm. You wanted to believe that your first kiss hadn't been a blatant lie and that you felt the same for your best friend so that he could be happy and you could be happy, too. But you weren't. You still smiled once the kiss was broken and he tentatively rested his forehead against your own, and you still felt a flutter in your stomach, but it wasn't really pleasant, and you wanted the ebb of impending ruin to go away. You didn't want your friendship to come undone because of this, but by now, it was more or less past the point of no return. 

You let your fingers press against his porcelain skin one night while you were lying together, and you let yourself go numb as he climbed over you and you kissed him and his hands were sliding nervously over your curves. You let him press his lips to your throat while you felt his hot breath against your flesh, and you closed your eyes while he sucked at the tender skin on the side of your neck, tiny vessels bursting and blossoming into a bruise that marked you as his own. You let him mark you as his own. 

You still didn't love him. 

You wished that you meant the words you whispered that night when your virginity was taken from you. You wished you loved him as you moved together, your hands twisting together against the mattress and his legs intertwining with yours like the vines that used to grow behind your house in the summer. You wished that you could feel the electric current coursing through your veins that you were supposed to when he moved his hips against yours, and you wish that your lips felt right as they rubbed against his. You shook while he pressed his member inside of you, and it hurt, but soon you grew used to it and it started to feel alright, and you just wished that you could share this moment with someone that you loved. 

Someone who wasn't Dave.

For months, you continued to keep up the act of loving him, the burden of a fake livelihood growing heavy on your shoulders. You were weak, and you smiled a little less as you held his hand and rested against him. He would ask you what was wrong, but you would lie again, and tell him that it was nothing, so he would smile that little half grin at you and accept your answer with nothing but a little “alright”.

But one day it was too heavy, and you were too tired of it all as you leaned against him and watched the sun descend like a dying bird over the city, a chill in the normally humid air. You touched his cheek and turned to look at him and told him that you were sorry, but you didn't think you wanted to do this anymore, and you'll never forget how the light died in his eyes and the smile faded from his lips and he aged right in front of your eyes. It was sickening and you hated yourself for it. He carefully unwrapped his arm from around you, and he played it off with a laugh and a stupid “alright, I guess”, but you could tell the way his chest rose and fell at a quicker pace that he was hurting and fighting back tears and so confused. You explained gently that it wasn't anyone else's fault than your own, and you hoped that you two could still be happy and still be friends, but tears rolled down the gentle curves of his face and fuck you had never seen Dave cry before. He told you he understood, and smiled through the obvious pain, standing and saying that he should probably go before curtly turning on his heels and returning to the apartment. 

You looked out to the sky again, the wind ruffling your hair. The sun burned dimly behind the clouds, and your chest grew heavier than it even had before as you stared out over the city.

Your name is John Egbert, and you messed up.


End file.
